Saturday, February 7, 2009

1st -- Faye

The last time I shed my tears, I promise that it will never happen again.

Even if I got hurt because of loving someone, I will never, ever, shed any tears again. Especially not in front of Raye.

But today, tonight, I can't even hold those water inside my eyes anymore. I don't know if Raye notice it or not, 'cause I tried so hard not to make any sound.

I just barely realize Raye's feeling. Yet, there's nothing I can do. I can just pretend that I don't know. Even in front of that person, I always pressed away my feeling.

I'm afraid of being hurt. I don't want to feel pain. I act like I was almighty. Only that night, I got out of control. I can't be like this anymore. I need to help Raye to move on. If he can't do that, then neither do I.

A great offer just came in that afternoon, right before that night. And I realized, this is a good chance. To let go of everything. To make a new start. To not being hurt anymore.

Still, I hesitated. I'm afraid to not being able to see them again. On the other hand, I don't want to feel pain anymore. It's enough. I don't need another apologize. I only need an explanation. And I know, that I won't get any of those.

Until then, I will give Raye everything I got. I will move on, and make him feel no pain anymore. Just only then, that I will to bare with them. This is for Raye's sake.

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