Saturday, February 7, 2009

1st -- Faye

The last time I shed my tears, I promise that it will never happen again.

Even if I got hurt because of loving someone, I will never, ever, shed any tears again. Especially not in front of Raye.

But today, tonight, I can't even hold those water inside my eyes anymore. I don't know if Raye notice it or not, 'cause I tried so hard not to make any sound.

I just barely realize Raye's feeling. Yet, there's nothing I can do. I can just pretend that I don't know. Even in front of that person, I always pressed away my feeling.

I'm afraid of being hurt. I don't want to feel pain. I act like I was almighty. Only that night, I got out of control. I can't be like this anymore. I need to help Raye to move on. If he can't do that, then neither do I.

A great offer just came in that afternoon, right before that night. And I realized, this is a good chance. To let go of everything. To make a new start. To not being hurt anymore.

Still, I hesitated. I'm afraid to not being able to see them again. On the other hand, I don't want to feel pain anymore. It's enough. I don't need another apologize. I only need an explanation. And I know, that I won't get any of those.

Until then, I will give Raye everything I got. I will move on, and make him feel no pain anymore. Just only then, that I will to bare with them. This is for Raye's sake.

1st -- Raye

I'm a cloud..

I'm trapped between the sun and the ground.

When I get too near to the sun, each part of my existence, one by one, got burned away.

When I get too near to the ground, it will crush my source of life into smaller, smaller, pieces.

The sun needs me to protect the ground from it's hot temperature.

The ground needs me to give a lot of protection when it's being harmed by another being.



As a cloud, I can't neither move forward nor backward. If I get too far away, one of them will try to catch me, and then, I will never ever be able to say 'no'. I can only watch, and keep my eyes of those two, the very precious.


But then I realize... Who even care about this not-important-cloud? Every time a cloud is seen, there are only bad happenings. I tried to cover my appearance. Disguise myself as another being. It's painful. Really painful. But I won't be like those rain cloud, who will pour out their sadness into the ground. I'd rather bare with it. Even if I'm being crushed pieces by pieces. Even if I want to.... I still can't....